Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Why I want to lose this weight.....

I am pretty much sick of being utterly, ridiculously, sickly critical of myself. I am sick of starting a diet and somehow failing again and again and again. I am sick of complaining about how chubby I have gotten. I am sick of missing out on fun summer activities because I do not want people to see me in a swim suit. I am sick of finding outfits to cover up the "problem areas" I have. I am sick of not being able to find my size in a shirt I want, or having to look in the back of the rack for my size. I am sick of wearing black. I am sick of looking this way and its finally time I do something about it. A little more information on me... I am 24 years old, as you already know and I am about 5'10". SO, I am not a petite gal. Growing up I was always very slender, and had no problems with my weight. I have grown into an emotional eater. I get bored a lot, and that is probably my biggest excuse (feels good to admit that finally:-) ). I was a decent size through high school (all though I thought I was huge) looking back, Id kill to be that size again. I graduated high school and BAM!!!! Packed on the lbs. Most of it was when I met my boyfriend of currently 4 years. We spent every second together, mostly watching movies and eating out (THE ENEMY-FAST FOOD). From there I put on around 80 lbs. I was around 200 lbs when I met him, which was not skinny but better than I am now. For my body type, at 180lbs, I look decent. I am confident at that weight, and I am not about to lose too much and have my bones stick out. I don't find that attractive and my boyfriend certainly doesn't. If I get back down to that weight, and I feel I need to lose more, than I will certainly try but I am not going for a unrealistic goal. Back to my life.. :-) I am the type of person who has begun to avoid friends or family functions for fear that people will be shocked at how big Ive become. I have always been the girl with the pretty face and skinny legs. Well my face may be still awesome but my legs sure as hell arn't skinny anymore. Neither is my mid section. So I have lost quite a few friends over the last few years, and have estranged relationships with many of my close cousins that were some of my closest friends because of it. Sad huh? While all my friends are out going to bars, parties or camping, boating ect.. I am home doing mostly nothing making countless excuses why I can't be at these places. I have NEVER been the person to stay at home every weekend. I was always the life of the party, and had the best times! I want that again. Don't get me wrong, I am content being at home with Andrew, but I wanna have time with my girlfriends again. Not only that but I want to be able to go to the lake with my boyfriend and go swimming without having to wear shorts, tank top and a shirt :-). I want to accept the invitation when our friends ask us to go boating, and not say no because I am afraid of being the biggest one there. Many of my friends have given up on getting me out and before I would act like I didn't care but now, I am realizing what I have done. I am 24 and these are suppose to be the best years of my life and I am wasting them away on these extra lbs. Well not anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO WAY!!!!

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Send me a comment!!! My first blog so any encouragment will be much appreciated! Thanks:-)